Wednesday, July 30, 2008
So where from here?
Just finishing a very satisfying session with my guitar, I don't know why, but it always seems that I play the most meaningful and poignant music when I'm alone. Maybe someday I'll be able to share this gift with the world, but for now it does provide me some solace. Still waiting for the pain of my loss to set in full force...I came home and cried a little, but not nearly the full measure, this I know, for the loss of my partner and soul mate. I keep catching myself saying "we have" and "we always", and then it rings back to me deep inside that there is no more "we" to be had. It is so disheartening, that all I can do is pour my soul out in music and writing at this point in the hope that I can find some semblance of peace and order to this world of ours. I know that I am still loved in this world, and that my Barbara continues to love me, but am still scared that I will be able to withstand this horrible change in my life that God has chosen for me. Maybe he's taken the best people in this world first in approach of the apocalypse? This is one of the thoughts in my head. possibly it is just fate that the best people are passing out of my world, but it still nags at me that I've lost my freind and mentor, Ken Ritchey, my father, whom I love dearly to this day, and certainly not least but ESPECIALLY devastating, my wife and mate Barbara. So where to from here? I'm currently drunk, I'm sad to say ( I know, you didn't wish this path on me Baby, but I find it dulls my mind somewhat and allows me to rise above the halted need to release my emotions and truly free my mind at this point, so for this I AM SORRY, but I do feel I need this release). In any event, I write to this world of ours that I hope that everyone knows that a wondrous soul has passed among us, my wife and lover and more than anyone could imagine,Barb. God bless you and Keep you near my love. I know he sees you for what you are..the best....Love, J
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Joey,
God chose you for a reason in all of this. He needed someone to care for one of his angels while He placed her here to Earth to help create good things for all of us. He chose YOU as the person that was special enough to trust with His wonderful gift of Barbara.
He placed her into you loving hands all these years. You did a awesome job in all of this too. I am sure even a blind man could see the devotion you have for her. I say "have" because she isn't gone, she has just moved to the next step in our existence.
No one really knows for sure why we are here on Earth but there has to be some message in all the good that surrounds us. Even when the goodness is taken from us.
It was time for God to call back to Heaven one of his most precious angels and our hearts will hurt for her until we are reunited again in God's kingdom.
You should be very proud to know just how special you are - God chose YOU! My life is richer because Barbara was in it. My heart is full of good things because of her. She told me that she would be watching over us from Heaven and I am sure she is.
We are given so many wonderful gifts on this Earth and, because they are so valuable to us, the hurt is that much greater when they are lost. Don't focus on the loss though, focus instead on the wonder of it all and understand that NO ONE ELSE but you was chosen for such a special job as to be Barbara's partner here on Earth. YOU were the only one that God felt was good enough to have the job of being with his angel.
Now you have to carry on and use the lessons learned from your own special angel. Celebrate Barbara, because she truly was an angel walking amoung us.
It is hard to say goodbye to someone we love - but it is only temporary - until we see them again in Heaven.
Love you,
Lynnie
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